 My Mother Taught Me... TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to fight with each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." The science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." How to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!" ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" Author unkown |